I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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