if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
