he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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