My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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