I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
