mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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