That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
