i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
