I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
