Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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