I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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