You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
