You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
