Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i think i just lost a toe
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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