That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
