Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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