May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
