you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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