Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
