just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
