were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
