i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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