as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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