you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
