you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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