What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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