I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
