wat bout pragnant strippers??
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
