He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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