I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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