HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
