I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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