Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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