We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
