I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
