How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
