It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
