dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Me too!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
