This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
