Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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