summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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