I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
