I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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