This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think your dad took our porno
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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