i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
