Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
