i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
