Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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