I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
