So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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