I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize