goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
