The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he fucked my hip out of place.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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