I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
