something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
