Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
