it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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