I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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