The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
