Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
