I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
