id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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