Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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