it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
