I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
