I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
