Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
